Fantasy kids and kale chips

The garden no longer needs watering, just saving every night from frost. Insects are no longer a threat – yesterday I watched with a little wistful fondness a grasshopper springing around the lettuce. It’s almost like living in reverse, here in October, like backing down that long ramp that launched us into the wild carnival of summer, undoing and unstitching all the open windows and forever-light days, re-dedicating ourselves to kale and sunshine. Each stray honeybee I spy in the fading hollyhocks is like a visitor from a strange and faraway planet buzzing out a little song about impermanence.

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Oh this? Just the little river that runs through our town.

Right now all the changes are so fascinating – it’s like being stoned 24/7. Wow – look at how the trees are all glowing! Now look how they’re all dropping skirts of yellow leaves at their feet! Wow! WOW!

And confessionally speaking, all this beauty makes me a little anxious. Not about winter coming (winter is the dark pause necessary to illuminate every other season). No, what I’m anxious about is how to fully inhabit and appreciate the technicolor fireworks of fall itself. It’s all so fleeting and breathtaking; it literally makes me gasp. Every day we sit at the kitchen table watching the crab apple trees flare deeper into color. And then just today I noticed the leaves were starting to dull. And I felt a small pinch of despair in my chest. Did I love it enough?

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The crab apples.

Inside, Col tells me, “I feel like lighting something on fire.” He rolls paper cigars, melting wax and wood shavings into the center, and I suddenly see the wisdom of channeling boys into sports. Rose has taken possession of my old cell phone, and stripped of any communication abilities, it simply plays endless rounds of ringtones. She dances to Gaga-techno, and Patriot-band tunes, and my former ringtone, jolting my nervous system into reaching for a phone call that’s actually a 7-year old prancing in her undies to musical soundbytes.

kale3Kale + fall colors = the intersection of swoon.

Suddenly all I can think of to offer the kids for snacks is apples and kale chips. The first time I made kale chips, Col said, “These are really good and also really bad.” I take this to mean: I like how these have the salty crunch of potato chips, but I’m also a little disappointed that they’re not actually potato chips. Fair enough.

And yet, they’re compelling in an unclog-your-arteries and holy-antioxidants! sort of way. Col’s friend, Sebastian, told us wistfully yesterday, how he loves kale chips, and I said, with zero parental grace, “Did you hear that, Col and Rose? He loves them.” (Sebastian is my fantasy child: he comes over and exclaims, “Your cabbages are amazing, Rachel. Can I pick some raw chard?” He hangs out in the chicken coop trying to hold each hen, loves hiking and thanks me profusely when I foist zucchinis on him. I have other fantasy children: Mathew, so polite! Stella, always asks for seconds on my meals. Iris keeps herself hydrated without reminders.)

In my fantasy world my children are eagerly massaging oil into kale leaves, bright sunny faces never having contemplated a particle of unwholesomeness. When really, Col’s outside lighting faux cigars and Rose is mistaking tinny 30-second ringtones for actual music.

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And yet, I’m thankfully programmed to love this life, to find a way to appreciate the crab apple trees in December, bare and iced. To walk outside to a garden laid low by frost, and marvel over the kale, standing tall and leafy. To fearlessly put a bowl of kale chips (which really are delicious) out to a crowd of kids as if I didn’t know they prefer shrink-wrapped hydrogenated oils. To hand Col the lighter and dance along to “Club Mix” with Rose.

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 Kale Chips

Ingredients

One large bunch kale

1 1/2 TBSP coconut or olive oil

2 TBSP nutritional yeast

1/2 tsp salt

Alternate recipe:

1 1/2 TBSP coconut oil

1 TBSP chile powder

juice of one lime

1/2 tsp salt

Directions

Remove leaves from stem, wash and then thoroughly dry kale leaves. Preheat oven to 350F. Melt coconut oil in a jar in pre-heating oven, remove carefully and add salt and nutritional yeast (or the alternate: lime juice, chile powder and salt) to jar and massage into leaves. Place on baking sheet. I’m not too fussy about keeping the kale from overlapping, in fact, I cover the baking sheet entirely. The baking should take approximately 20-25 minutes, but after 15 minutes, check on kale and flip leaves around with a spatula. You want the kale to crisp without burning.

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De-stemming.

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Pre-massage.

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Post-massage but pre-cooking.

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Really, truly delicious. Promise.

xo,

Rachel

21 thoughts on “Fantasy kids and kale chips”

  1. It seems so illusory, this quest to wrap ourselves in the present. I am reading Dani Shapiro’s Devotion (I bet you have read it) and she speaks as you do about the desire to remain present. I felt this grasping as Yossi turned one yesterday–did I fully appreciate the first year of his life? And I did, as much as I was able not to be mired in the regular worries, schlepping and chores of our day to day.

    More and more, I just give in to what is. It’s so freeing!! Of course my neurotic mind insists nothing is quite “good enough,” but I’m getting better and better at quieting it down.

    And your kale!!! Dude, I buy it in carefully put together bunches at the Bowl or Whole Foods. And I can’t wait to go home tonight and make more chips. Which Lilit gobbles down but Avi feels like Col. Good but also bad. As kale chips are on the short list of veggies he will actually eat, I am okay with this.

    Fall is my favorite season. Sending enjoying vibes and love from Berkeley. PS. Loved your Edible experiment article. Curious if you let the kids in on what you were doing or if you were undercover? xo

    1. Melissa,

      I did read Devotion. I liked her recent book on writing even better. And yes, at some point you need to say, “I was present enough,” and move on, because neurosis about being present in the past is just another way to avoid being present now, right?
      Do the kale chips all go to Lilit’s cheeks?
      xo

      1. p.s. re: the edible experiement. I told the kids about the interviews I was doing in Telluride, showed them the caramels (with the warning that they were NOT kids candy), and because they never actually asked me, figured: don’t ask don’t tell.

  2. Ahh dear Rachel and familia, We too are Whispy Wonder Fleeting pangs of wonderment
    with you each…..our apricot trees remind us fully of life and seasons and all of the songs
    we can remember……blessings from all of the directions,
    judith and all the clans

  3. OMG…what a(nother) awes(om)e entry!
    can ilg just vote for YOU come November and screw all the others?
    thank you for you being you…

    oh, re: (winter is the dark pause necessary to illuminate every other season)

    ilgs’ perspective runs closer to this: (summer, that little flirt which just HAS to interrupt winter!)
    ;-) Blessed be your Clan…

  4. I loved a lot in the post… the image of your son rolling cigars, the idea of fantasy children massaging oil into kale, and the bit about wondering if you’ve loved summer enough. Nicely done! Thanks for the read.

  5. I love all of this. Fall makes me gasp too. I have one kid who will eat kale if it’s a dinner, but not a snack and the other who keeps turning up her nose. She tries it again periodically, tilts her head quizzically and says, not so good. I can’t get enough of it.

  6. Dear Rachel, I am on the other side of the world right now – collecting Montiaceae across Australia. It is beautiful yet sometimes lonely pursuit. Your posts give me glimpses of home and family and keep me motivated to work hard so that someday I can carve out a small, intimate corner of this world, just like you have done. Thanks for your writing, it is such a gift to read.

    Lilly

  7. here, under dark skies, torrential downpour, warm drink in hand.
    boy child asks if this rain is going to ‘power off his movies’.

    these kids.
    they do not come from us.
    they come through us.

  8. Love your imagery and love Col’s quote about the kale chips. My dad, who I once caught persuading my daughter to trade him the dandelion I told her she could taste for an Oreo (to give you some idea of his food habits), snuck into the kitchen and secretly ate half a pan of kale chips I had made. They are that good!

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