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Parenting on the same team E-Course Giveaway

2013 April 5
by Rachel Turiel

I remember walking under December grey Berkeley skies with Dan 3 years ago, shakily pep-talking ourselves through the latest parenting trial, which was that Col was moving slower than a brick wall during the bedtime routine.

We gave cheery warnings, “5 minutes until teeth brushing!” We repeated cheery warnings, “2 minutes until…” We gave information, “You’re not listening and I’m feeling very impatient now.” We shamed, “Rose is already done with teethbrushing, in pj’s and ready for a book. We are all waiting for you.” We threatened, “if you don’t get in here to brush your teeth now, you will miss out on book reading.” And finally, we yelled.

Eventually everyone was tucked in bed and ready for sleep, but my feelings of regret (for having shamed, threatened and yelled) lingered like a bad hangover.

Walking to Peets Coffee (Vine St.), I told Dan about this parenting style I had been reading about, this er, parenting with empathy, or peaceful parenting, or parenting without yelling like a banshee, or…something, where if your kid is non-compliant about teethbrushing you swoop them up playfully and carry them to the bathroom while tickling them. It’s about building connection, discharging power struggles and letting the kid save face for the sake of unity, and please could we start trying this?

Dan caught on quicker than I did because apparently nursing small grudges about non-compliant children is my particular anvil to drag across the desert, whereas he wipes the slate clean every minute.

But here’s the thing. Three years later I can say that parenting without bribes, threats or rewards is its own positive feedback loop. Even if you start with practicing your lines of empathy (you don’t want to brush teeth, you hate teeth-brushing) like an actor desperate for work, it becomes natural. And receiving compliance through kindness and respect always feels better, even if doesn’t seem as effective at first as the swift sword of a threat. But it is.

If I write here about peaceful parenting, people often say, “I can’t do it…working mother…challenging kid…won’t listen to me…too hard…just naturally a yeller…” And I just want to say that with practice, encouragement, intention and well, more practice, encouragement and intention…peaceful parenting becomes your first language so that when you wake up to situations like this (she turned in the empty wrapper and collected the reward, people) you know instinctively how to work with situation while keeping everyone’s dignity in tact.

coaching

I am excited to offer a giveaway today from sponsors of 6512 and growing, the creators of Feeleez: Toys for Emotional Intelligence.

Natalie and Nathan are offering another round of their popular 6-week e-course called, Parenting on the Same Team. If you don’t know these two through their coaching workblogs or toy business,, allow me to introduce them:

Natalie writes a blog about parenting with empathy and moving off the roller coaster of punishment and praise, which multiple studies have shown undermine children’s self motivation.

She speaks the same language as Alfie Kohn, who wrote Unconditional Parenting (a parenting game-changer for me), but in a softer, feminine, more “I hear you sister,” way. I’ve become best acquainted with Natalie’s work through her parenting phone consults, in which she’s helped me numerous times (including, but not limited to The Funky Sock Disasters and The Sibling Battlefield). Natalie is fantastic at suggesting a pathway which illuminates my own blind spots and leads me to the sanest, most effective and compassionate trail through the trees of parenting.

With Nathan, who is a Certified Life Coach, they are raising three daughters, inspiring people and spreading the good word.

The Awesomeness of this E-Course (all the details here):

* you can take it alone or with your partner.

* Natalie and Nathan will present ideas and parenting strategies weekly (over 6 weeks) and you will have the opportunity to discuss, inquire more deeply, receive feedback and seek help transposing these ideas into your particular family situation.

* you can participate as much or as little as you want.

* you can participate from wherever you live, at your own pace.

*Natalie and Nathan will be available for unlimited e-mail support during the 6-week course.

*you will learn and grow.

Dan and I took this course 2 years ago and loved:

*the momentum of practicing (and practicing, and practicing) your parenting ideals in a community.

*the homework which provides opportunity to catch old patterns and practice new ones.

*Natalie and Nathan’s availability, deep listening and idea-generating for each participant’s particular situation.

*how in learning to treat your children with empathy, you learn to do the same for yourself.

To win a spot in the upcoming E-Course, Parenting on the Same Team, leave a comment below. For an extra chance to win, share this post on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, or your community and leave a second comment.

Giveaway ends Monday 4/08/13 * I will announce the winner here.

Guys, Natalie and Nathan are touched by all the heartfelt interest here and have decided to pick 5 winners! Please e-mail Natalie: natalie(at)feeleez(dot)com asap and she’ll get you signed up.

#5 Britta

#11 Andrea (mother byrd)

#14 Mindi Clark

#19 Courtney

#45 mb

The course starts today! And for everyone else, there is still time to give yourself the gift of participation. Go here to sign up. 

* In 2011 The New Yorker published  a lovely article on coaching, written by the surgeon/author Atul Gawande. Gawande explores the benefits of employing a professional coach. The results (for teachers, doctors, musicians, singers, athletes) are impressive. Why not parenting?

 

 

 

 

 

Related posts:

Sponsor giveaway: Planting the Seeds *fun*shop
A few things + happy Hanukkah!
resolutions for training the silly, over-active, sneaky mind


60 Responses leave one →
  1. Steph permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Oh man-I try peaceful parenting. I read the books-listen to the tapes. How do these little peanuts know what pisses us off the most!? Thanks for the daily motivation to keep on truckin.

  2. Elena permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I recently read Peaceful Parenting and would love to further my understanding of this approach to parenting.

  3. Sara permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I’m moving in the right direction (I think) but can always use help and support. Bedtime and getting out the door in the morning are the toughest spots right now.

  4. Nicole permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Thanks for sharing Rachel! I love their parenting philosophy.

  5. Britta permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I would love to participate in this! And do you mean 4/8/13 rather than 3/8?

    • Rachel Turiel permalink*
      April 5, 2013

      Thank you, Britta. Typo fixed. Usually I’m only a day behind not a whole month.

  6. April 5, 2013

    this sounds lovely! my baby is only 7.5 months old so we haven’t run into many parenting struggles yet, but I believe this course would be very helpful for us!

  7. April 5, 2013

    Sounds great, but does it come in pill form? Ha, ha, just kidding (kinda). Sign me up!

  8. Becca permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I would love to participate in this class. Mostly I just lurk and read around here, but you should know that I often feel, after reading you, that I have someone on my team. Here we are! All figuring this out! I am not alone! So, thank you.

  9. Jolie permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Oooo, ooo!! Pick me pick me! Please please please!

    I’ve read Alfie Kohn, Kim John Payne, and Larry Cohen, Adele Faber, etc etc etc. AND STILL working working working on it. I’m making progress… sometimes like a snail. I think I really need this.

    (Did I mention I also really really really WANT this??)

  10. Andrea permalink
    April 5, 2013

    ahem, yes please.

  11. Rachel permalink
    April 5, 2013

    yep – we are interested…. seven year olds pick up on everything and can verbalize so much. We need more tools / traits to encourage peaceful parenting and peaceful living! =)

  12. Rebecca permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Would love this course. Working on my own compassion issues, I especially feel like I don’t show enough to those I love most. And how do I show compassion and empathy when one of my three kids seems to be having a “moment” EVERY moment? Thanks!

  13. Mindi Clark permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Now that Owen is almost two and having more and more say about his little self, I can see how amazing a class like this must be. I would LOVE to take this class and start becoming the parent I know I want to be but don’t always know how. Thanks Rachel.

  14. Danielle permalink
    April 5, 2013

    This sounds great, similar to Love and Logic. I remember the first time I tried the empathy line I kind of yelled it, baby steps :). Thanks for doing this giveaway!

  15. April 5, 2013

    yes please!

  16. ella permalink
    April 5, 2013

    oh I’d love this course! trying to grow in to my new single parenting staus with my 5 year-old boy – so need this right now! xx

  17. ella permalink
    April 5, 2013

    shared on Facebook & twitter too! x

  18. April 5, 2013

    I found Natalie’s blog three and half years ago when I was experiencing great troubles with nursing. I’ve loved following both her blog and your for the last several years. Living in Oklahoma, I get a lot of laughs about the way I parent (you know, the state where you openly carry your weapons at places like the local skate park and threaten a plant as if so much looks at you sideways). Anyhow, I would love to participate in this class.

  19. April 5, 2013

    Oh yes please!! And thank you for the chance.

  20. Lucy permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I’m currently 40 days into my 365 , no yell challenge. I’m working on other aspects of my parenting too, and just know this kind of focus and support would do much.

  21. Melissa Paxton permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Howdy Rachel,

    I have been hoping to find a course like this one to start when I was done with nursing exams! Over these last 3 years, Liam has put up with a mom who sometimes has fallen prey to the use of cajoling, shaming, and threatening, when I’ve been stressed to the max. And that’s so not fair to him, or to me.

    As one of your comment-ers mentioned, single parenting presents a whole slew of, um, “opportunities for learning”, and while I try to make sure we both get through each of them unscathed, I know I can be doing a better job of parenting with empathy. Ian has been a fairly good co-parent, and we try to stay on the same page about how we parent Liam. That said, there is most definitely room for more consistency between us, and an “opportunity to catch old patterns and practice new ones.” I feel Ian and I are at place now where we can be receptive to participating in a course, together.

    Your blog always serves up such good parenting reminders, and I so appreciate each challenge and success you share with us readers. A class like Nathan and Natalie’s would provide a healthy foundation for my goal of becoming a more present parent, and help to support both Liam and I as we transition from this period of Mom in nursing school to Nurse Mom.

    Thanks! Melissa

    • Rachel Turiel permalink*
      April 5, 2013

      FYI: you don’t have to take this with a partner.

  22. Katie permalink
    April 5, 2013

    What a great opportunity! The class sounds like such a neat way for our family to get on the same page. I have two boys with very unique spirits that often clash against one another. I would love some ideas on how to parent effectively and treat my boys with the love and respect that they deserve.

  23. Katie permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I feel privileged to be part of such a great community where there are so many ideas, support and workshop opportunities like this.

  24. Heather permalink
    April 5, 2013

    This class matches up with perfectly with my current parenting book reading list! I feel like I have a good handle on what not to do, but sometimes I’m at a loss for what to do.

    • Rachel Turiel permalink*
      April 5, 2013

      I hear that. Intuiting what to do is like the last frontier. Nathan and Natalie are so good at role playing and hashing out possibilities.

  25. Lindsay permalink
    April 5, 2013

    Raising hand over here!

  26. April 5, 2013

    I have an almost 2 and almost 5 year old. My husband and I try our best to co-parent, but it is often me looking up ideas on the web and spouted them to him to try. Would love the opportunity to share in a parenting style together.
    And since I am a “lurker” as well, thanks for all you do and all you write here in this space!

  27. Sharon permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I would love to take this course. I have committed to parenting without yelling and threats and with greater empathy and am making progress, but sometimes find myself responding to my kids in a way that creates a power struggle. Coaching would be sooo helpful. Thanks for providing so many resources.

  28. Jennifer permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I’m in! thanks.

  29. Amy Morrison permalink
    April 5, 2013

    I would love to take this course and oh the timing! I find myself reacting to sibling arguments or even little things in ways that are so far from how I wish I would have handled them. I have been really trying to approach these moments with humor, patience, creativity, and love. But certainly have a lot to learn and would welcome the opportunity to grow!

  30. rose permalink
    April 5, 2013

    the teeth brushing resistance reminded me of the trick my husband used to get our oldest to brush her teeth: tooth brush forklift. he would pick her up under her arms and hold her out away from his body making heavy-machinery noises on the way to the bathroom. we held her like a baby and brushed her teeth for her for a looong time. such a sweet memory. i don’t want to be included in the give away. just wanted to share. xox

    • Rachel Turiel permalink*
      April 6, 2013

      Rose, what kid would not love that!
      When Dan says to the kids: “Okay, report for teethbrushing, I’ve got my rasp, file and wire brush ready,” even I start laughing.
      xo

  31. Melissa permalink
    April 6, 2013

    I would love to do this course. I love your blog and Natalie’s.

    I understand the idea of parenting, but need more practice… I notice how well it works (every night with my two-year old daughter. “I don’t like light out.” “You don’t like it when I turn the light out, huh?” We continue this conversation for a couple of minutes and then she snuggles in to sleep) and I also notice how crappy I feel when I blow my lid at any of my wild brood of kids (4-year old, who is the most emotionally volatile and probably needs the most empathy, while he pushes my buttons, and 13-year old, who is sweet, and fierce, and fragile in his own way).

    With the challenges of parenting a blended family, it would be awesome to build some shared skills with my ever-patient partner, *and* to practice some more empathy with ourselves. The rare times that we fight, I have often come to the conclusion that I didn’t want to win an argument or even to be right. I just needed my partner to say, “I hear you. You’re super-frustrated, huh?” It’s the instant melter/diffuser.

    Loved your post before this one. It’s funny how we question where we’re at on our paths. Your writing is some of the best on the internet. All the best!

  32. Vanessa permalink
    April 6, 2013

    Oh, I would be so grateful! So many humbling moments (reaching my edge) along with the blissful & beautiful in this journey with my incredible 4 year old girl. Tools, support, resources – yes! yes!

  33. Ara permalink
    April 6, 2013

    Really enjoy your blog and living vicariously through it. Would love an opportunity to take the course, thanks so much for the opportunity. Best to you and yours!

  34. Tara permalink
    April 6, 2013

    I’d be so grateful to learn from this course, just today when I lost it with my two year old, I thought there must be another approach, I just need to learn another way than what i was taught. Thank you for the inspiration to grow.

  35. April 6, 2013

    What a great opportunity Rachel. We’re entering a new frontier with a 3 yo and a 7 mo. I definitely need tools for this phase – gentle guidance and learning to keep my cool, are but two that I’m working on right now. I’d love a chance to work with the Feeleez duo!

  36. April 6, 2013

    I just shared this on Twitter and on my little Coffee beans facebook page too.
    Now begins the chanting…Pick Me, Pick Me!

  37. April 6, 2013

    Thanks for sharing the work of Nathan and Natalie. I will definitely contact them and exchange notes. And for those who want to do a live parenting course, please join us on May 3, 4 and or 5 for the Positive Discipline parenting course which is also one which guides parents towards peaceful solutions without rewards or punishment.
    I will contact N&N and can well imagine that we are also on the same team. How wonderful that there is so much wonderful support for this incredibly wonderful and challenging task of parenting and being with children, tweenies, teens and young adults in whatever capacity.

    Peace works,
    Kathleen

  38. April 6, 2013

    Count me in! Sounds like a fantastic course.

  39. Tara Frazer permalink
    April 6, 2013

    I seriously wish I could get a parenting do-over already. Just went to the funeral of my uncle and learned how deeply his mindless, angry parenting deeply affected my cousins. His legacy is really a wake up call to how much I want to get this right. I’m just reading Peaceful Parenting, too (thanks, Rachel!) and already I’m seeing such sweet results in my relationships with a couple of my kids.

  40. April 6, 2013

    yep, count me in. there are always more ways to grow and stretch on this parenting journey.

  41. Hilary permalink
    April 6, 2013

    Oh, I would love to continue my parental education and grow my knowledge!

  42. Tamara permalink
    April 6, 2013

    Thank you for sharing. This sounds like good stuff :)

  43. Garlic Goddess with Tomatoes permalink
    April 7, 2013

    Would be thrilled to take this course! Our daughter was born in Durango 17 months ago when we lived in Aztec, NM, but we have since moved to the Shenandoah Valley in VA. We miss Durango and the Southwest so much, it’s ridiculous! Thanks for your awesome blog…. makes me feel like we aren’t missing out on everything.

  44. Laura permalink
    April 7, 2013

    I would love to take this course! I have four little ones and could use some new techniques :-) I have enjoyed learning about this way of parenting from your site – thank you!

  45. Melissa Husges permalink
    April 7, 2013

    My hubby and I are working so so so hard to get in the peaceful parenting space. I feel like I’m in the groove and suddenly I’m sounding just like my mom. This happens more at the end of the day when I’m tired. It’s easier to slip to default at those times. Some formal learning would
    help the whole family unit.

  46. Amber permalink
    April 7, 2013

    This class sounds amazing. Thanks for spreading the word!

  47. Amy permalink
    April 7, 2013

    I love Natalie’s work and would love to take the course!

  48. Ina permalink
    April 8, 2013

    Sounds exactly like what I need! I have my moments when I am able to parent peacefully, but those tend to get fewer and more far between lately, especially when I’m tired/sick/stressed. I feel guilty for taking it out on my sweet 4 yr old though, so I will keep working on it. This course would be a great help!

  49. Oceano's Mountain Mamma permalink
    April 8, 2013

    I would love the chance to connect more with parents that have the peaceful parenting style and feel the strength of agreement with my choices as a mom. I live in Italy and although the surpluss of culture is something I love to expand myself with, I do miss feeling like I have a community and not just a foreigner. Especially with my parenting style. Thanks for putting this out there and more available for your readers!

  50. Oceano's Mountain Mamma permalink
    April 8, 2013

    And this is my comment hoping to get lucky ;)

  51. Ann McMahon permalink
    April 8, 2013

    My throat, brain & heart hurts from yelling at my 5 kids. I’d LOVE to win some help.

  52. Christine D. permalink
    April 8, 2013

    Oh, I totally need this!! I try to be the peaceful parent, but when it doesn’t seem to work, I always end up doing the if you don’t do this, then this will happen route, and you’re right it just doesn’t feel right!! I would love a course with some tools to get me where I want to be!!

  53. Sylva permalink
    April 8, 2013

    Sign us up! We have a 3 year old that is frustratingly impervious to consequences, both natural and parent-imposed. We both agreed this weekend we need some help!

  54. Sylva permalink
    April 8, 2013

    Also, just shared on FB!! :)

  55. Britta permalink
    April 8, 2013

    Oh, thank you so very much!

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